i had been told by several people that the more i run, the more  illustrations/lessons i would have to relate to my own spiritual walk.  well on our long run day of 8 miles i was hit square in the gut (literally) and right in my spiritual heart.

we were a little over 6 miles and we only had .10 of a mile before we were to turn around and head back to the start.  one-tenth of a mile and i was almost home free for the day.  that’s all, one-tenth, but that is where i hit a running brick wall.  i had done so good in my long runs up til then, but to cap this day off with a great run, i needed to get through .10 of a mile that seemed to have me beat.

usually a tenth of mile it seems like nothing, but on this long run day, it was everything.  i didn’t have it in me and as i began to give up my attitude got ugly.   i was mad and pleading with my coach to skip this tenth and just go ahead and turn around.  how could this tenth be so important that we had to run it completely?  my coach didn’t budge.  actually she told me if i focused more energy on running instead of whining, i could conquer this tenth.  i didn’t.  i choose to continue the onslaught of complaints and questions for what seemed like miles.  (i am still not convinced that my coach didn’t stretch out this tenth, just to teach me a lesson.)  i threatened to quit numerous times, and even tripped on a wooden bridge when i resorted to making childish faces at my coach.  mature right?  everything in me wanted to skip this last short distance and begin a new direction, but it wasn’t coming until i persevered to the end of this tenth.

then it happened.  after hours (i exaggerate… mere minutes) we were able to turn around and head home with one last mile to go.  my demeanor immediately changed.  i was downright pleasant, because i could see the light at the end of this long run tunnel.  i refused to congratulate myself, because quite honestly i had made a fool out of myself about very little that day.  as i meditated on these events the following week, God gently, yet clearly related it to my spiritual walk and ministry.

i am consistent in going just far enough for good while refusing to push through to the great He has for me.  it gets tough and i threaten to quit or  i beg to run in a new direction.  if i don’t get my way i pout, whine, and yes act quite childish.  my persistence grows frail and my passion proves weak.  time after time, i settle.  but, i serve a God who promises “exceedingly, abundantly more than i could hope for or imagine” and He longs for me to push through the pain, endure til the end, and seek Him as my prize.

so before i start running a new direction, i want to faithfully run out the last tenth He has for me in each personal and ministry path.  with His help i long to lay down my grumbling and complaining and just put one foot in front of the other.   He is worthy.  He is faithful.  He is the Great I AM to run after.

what about you?  do you ever struggle to finish strong, because of the last difficult bit of journey?  am i the only one that can throw a childish temper tantrum, because i rely too much on self to finish strong?  where has good won out to His great in your ministry or walk?

recently, i had the opportunity to get out of town and attend another church on a sunday morning.  i confess i was a bit excited.  just the thought of sitting in a service without worrying about things that could be happening in my kidmin hallway was blissful.  no one knew me, no one needed me, and i came into the sanctuary heavy laden and ready to meet with my God.  my faithful Father was right there to meet with me.

i didn’t expect God’s message and conviction to begin with the lines of the very first worship song we sang.  it was matt redman’s “heart of worship” and the line, “i’m sorry Lord for the thing i’ve made it,” hit me like a ton of bricks.  then they came, tears.  and after the tears came a time of worship, self-examination, confession, Bible study, and prayer that would hopefully renew and reshape my approach to children’s ministry from that point forward.

this last year in ministry has already been one of examination.  with all the new trends in kidmin, my head was left spinning and my heart aching for more of the ONE that mattered most – JESUS.  i spent the summer with an amazing team of volunteers combing over our children’s ministry and seeking the heart of God His direction in the coming year.  it was productive and we made some exciting, unique changes, but i still felt there was more to be done.  the second step (which probably should have been the first) was made clear to me this day as i sat–a stranger in this sanctuary, but as one known well by my Father.  He knows my heart better than anyone and He revealed to me that it was time for a check-up.

“i’m sorry Lord for the thing i’ve made it.”  these words kept coming back to me, over and over again.  what have i made of the children’s ministry that He has so graciously entrusted me to serve for well over a decade?  have i made it about creativity?  have i made it about fun and excitement?  have i made it about whatever was easiest?  have events been my focus?  have i just barely made it, hoping week-to-week to just get by?  and the hardest question to broach–just how much have i made it about me?  as He gently broke me and spoke to me in that service, i knew what had to happen next.

we had spent the summer looking at the ministry nuts and bolts, but now it was time for me to look at my heart and to encourage my kidmin team to do the same.  does my heart beat passionately for my Savior and is it my ultimate goal to make Him and His life-changing Word known to these children and families each week?  do i seek Him so devotedly that my words, actions, and attitude reflect the glory of the Lord?  do i honestly count it a privilege to serve each week, or do i complain more than i praise Him for the opportunity?  do my tweets, blog posts, facebook posts, etc., bring attention to me or to the One who is and is to come?  do i commit precious time in His Word so that i am filled to overflowing and have plenty to pour out on those that He puts in my path?  many questions, but let’s just say, if my answers to these questions made up a report card, my grades wouldn’t be so great.

i think it is just easier to get by, and all too often, that’s what i choose.  why do i settle for lazy mediocrity when i serve a God of abundance? i am tired of stepping timidly to avoid the disapproval of man, when God may be calling me to take bold, unpopular steps.  so what if the next steps are unconventional or more difficult?  isn’t He worth it?  i know in my head that He is, but only my obedience will prove whether or not i truly believe it in my heart.

even as i type this post, i realize i have already allowed hardness to creep into the spot He has gently softened.  so, in many ways, this post may be more for me than anyone else.  i need to be held accountable, because deep within my heart i long to be all that God intends for me to be.  i don’t want to waste another moment in the mediocrity.  so, to those i serve alongside, i confess that my heart needs a check-up and i covet your prayers.  to my faithful friends that surround me, i thank you for being the iron that He uses to sharpen me.  keep pushing me and asking me the hard questions!

bottom line – i don’t want to steal any glory from the One who deserves all the GLORY!  i will continue this heart check-up until the day He returns, in hopes of one day hearing, “well done good and faithful servant.”  it really is all about Jesus, and i am truly sorry for all the things i’ve made it.

“i just have one question for you, danielle.  when are you going to take some time for yourself?”  those were the strong, yet encouraging words of a ministry friend that just might know me too well.  all the kidmin events for the summer were winding down and i was a bit worn.  (ok, who am i kidding?  i was way more than a bit worn.)  i thought i was hiding it beautifully, but i am increasingly grateful for friends God puts in my path with keen senses of discernment and loving hearts for His best for me.  so this began my mind reeling.  yes,  i wanted rest.  i longed to get away, but as a single girl time away by myself felt more restricting than renewing.  the last thing this girl, who despises the sound of silence, longs for is more of it.  so i made it a matter of prayer.

through many God moments and His leading, i decided to take a trip to visit sweet friends that are more like family.  i had done a poor job maintaining the relationship, because i once again allowed the events and details of the fabric of  life to squeeze out time for the relationships that make it so beautiful.   even though my whole being was eager and excited to get away, nothing could prepare me for the ministry of rest i would receive in auburn, al.

from the moment i arrived i was welcomed with open arms and unconditional love.  through many hours of conversation and quality time;  i was encouraged, listened to, shared with, and prayed over on a screened-in patio that doubled as a sanctuary.  things were spoken to me and over me about God’s plan for me and how He uses me, that i had been too buried in ministry to remember.  there were few, if any, moments that Jesus and/or scripture were not the center, springboard, or conclusion to our conversations.

i had spent so much time in the months before being “on” it felt good to pull back the layers, let down the walls, and just be me – simple, imperfect me.  there was no pretense and no pretending.  this time was God using sweet friends to minister to my soul and heart and lead me to His sweet rest.  i was able to linger in my quiet times and get real before my Father.  i finally got still and quiet enough to be reminded He is God and He holds my life in the palm of His hand.  the days became a haven for one worn from ministry.

i felt as though i gave very little and received an abundance of love, grace, encouragement, and direction from servants that love our Savior so much.   God used a family He brought into my life 14+ years ago (through children’s ministry camp) to saturate me with the ministry of rest.  i will be forever changed and eternally grateful.

i think in children’s ministry we tend to give until we are empty, lead until we are worn out, and serve without making the needed time to sit at the true Servant’s feet.  i know i often don’t feel the “need” for rest and surely don’t feel like i deserve any encouragement.  those thoughts don’t make me super-spiritual, because they just aren’t scriptural.  Jesus beckons us to come to Him when we are weary and He will give us rest.  i am now a firm believer in the ministry of rest.  what about you?  when is the last time you took time off and away to be still, be encouraged, and rest at your Savior’s feet?

P.S. WAR EAGLE!