in the last 15 years in ministry i have often felt like a square peg trying to cram into a round hole.  i just don’t fit.  in many situations i find myself being the object of the child’s song, “one of these things is not like the other.”  here are just a few:

– as someone that ministers to parents of children, i’m not a fit because i am not a parent.  i try my hardest and pray that God would grant me wisdom to think like a parent, but the fact
is i’m not.   so how can i really fit?
–  in my great, sweet circle of friends i stick out as the only unmarried one.  (always
completing the group as the 3rd, 5th, or 7th wheel.)
–  in the kidmin ministry world that is constantly changing, evolving, and providing much
conversation, i would rather discuss what God is doing personally in the lives of those involved and avoid “shop” talk.
–  the place i call home and lay my head just doesn’t fit as where my heart is.
–  on a staff and in a ministry world of the seminary trained, i’m uneducated and carry a degree in mass communications.  quite a far cry from theology.
– not to mention, i am surrounded by crimson wearing, tide cheering people, (oh and those orange fans of east tennessee) when my rally cry is “war eagle.” 🙂

today on a drive  home after a much needed roadtrip, i pondered the above list (not really the last point).  i even cried out to God for understanding and direction and He sweetly spoke to my heart.  while i often don’t “feel” like i fit in many groups or situations He places me in, He gently reminded me i fit perfectly in the palm of His hand.  that was enough for me.  that Truth doesn’t dismiss my feelings, but brings comfort that while i wait and press on He never lets go.

anyone else ever feel like they just don’t fit?


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  1. Hey, just wanted to say– great blog post! You are not alone. I feel that way often! (except the part about being an Auburn fan…ha. I’m in Tuscaloosa, and yes, a fan of the Crimson Tide). But I am also an unmarried, childless children’s pastor. I am with you there, feeling unmerited for the role of leading parents, since I’m not one myself, and often the only unmarried one wherever I am. Also, I’m technically not a Southerner (from Indiana) so I’m often “the yankee.” =)

    I don’t really have anything good to say, other than– you’re not alone! And God has given you a special ministry and place in this world to do it! Thanks for sharing your heart.

    • danielle Reply

      well from a true southerner, “bless your heart” for dealing with our southern ways! glad to know i am not alone. think we all feel this way sometimes, i just felt it more profoundly than ever today!

      i checked out your site, there was an awful lot of crimson on your team color night. 🙂

      • we need a support group!!! 😀 I’ve pretty much been adopted by all my friends and their husbands as an extension of their family! 😀

        I almost left ministry twice for this very reason. I once had a parent tell me that I had no right instructing parents on how to drop off preschoolers for Sunday School because nobody would respect the protocol coming from a non-parent (never mind that I had worked in a preschool for 5 years at that point). Another parent told me that teaching biblical principles don’t always apply because I wouldn’t know how it feels to be a parent. It didn’t matter what I said because the last words were “you just don’t know because you’re not a parent.” 🙁

        Thankfully, I had amazing lead pastor at the time who completely supported and stood up for me… and those parents who became thorn on my side ended up leaving our ministry (which I think was for the better in the long run!)… and I’ve had many people affirm me of my calling and giftings… but nevertheless, this has been the biggest insecurity in being a children’s pastor.

        Lynne and Danielle, you’re definitely NOT ALONE!!!! and THANK YOU for sharing your heart!!! We SOOOOOO need to connect! 😀 can’t wait ’til kidmin!!!

        • danielle Reply

          preach on gloria. can’t wait to get to know you better!

  2. While it may feel like you don’t fit, from an outsider looking in… you are such the RIGHT fit for where God has you. You are an inspiration! 🙂

    Oh, and roll tide.

    • danielle Reply

      ahhh mer you are sweet and i look forward to our lunch thursday. and stop that rollin’ mess!

  3. Wow…were you looking into my heart this weekend? I just had a lousy one where all I could think about is how I don’t “fit”. I’m a female on a Southern Baptist staff of ministers (which is MOST dominately male). My degree is in Christian business…not Children’s Ministry. I am a leader at church…but am asked by His Word to follow at home. SO frustrating and confusing at times. I think your peg cry is resounded in many (CM) hearts…just maybe in a different way. And by the way…what in the world is the big deal with college football… ;o)…or sports at all for that matter :o)

    • danielle Reply

      thanks for sharing kate! sorry you had a tough weekend. well, the college football thing is an obsession at best! 🙂

  4. Danielle….War Eagle! (my mom was an Auburn cheer leader, back in the day!) It IS comforting to know that God has the bigger plan for our benefit. I often feel like the square peg too and wonder if that feeling (thought) is from God or my old nature turning to “Self” for the answers. Self never has the right answer, fortunately. I love the image of being held in the palm of God’s hand. That’s freedom to serve and be the person he created… for His glory. It has nothing to do with us. it has everything to do about giving God the glory in whatever it is He has called you/me to do. Your post is beautifully written and timely for me to read. Blessings to you! Donna

    • danielle Reply

      donna, i love your heart and the way you so eloquently put things. you have given me even more to chew on as always!

  5. I have felt this way many times in my life. I literally stuck out at 5’10” in 7th grade. My mom is not a social person and I’ve always felt less fluent in social situations. Christina once described as “starting on the 3rd sentence of a conversation.”

    Regarding the not-being-a-parent-so-how-can-you-understand… we talked about this in our counseling classes. There are many things we won’t (and wouldn’t want to) experience and yet our skills and training (and direction from God) will carry us through.

    You are a huge blessing, no matter what the peg shape may say.

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