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my journey

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In kidmin

15 years in the making

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college girls, that use to be my youth small group girls, & several that use to be in my preschool and children's ministry.

last month i celebrated 15 years as the minister of children at belle aire. there is really no way i can convey with words my humbled gratitude for all the notes, gifts, cards, drawings (by the kids), hugs and love i received.  i was (and still am) blown away by the way this church family wrapped me with appreciation for the last 15 years i was blessed to serve alongside them.  even after so many years, i am still surprised and a tad bit confused that our great God chooses to use such an imperfect person as myself.   may His glory shine brightly though this cracked vessel.

there is one gift i received in the morning services of january 15th that is simply indescribable.  you must see it for yourself.  they recruited many of my past students (YUCs – youth under construction) to recite Hebrews 11, my favorite passage of scripture.  how can you top the sweet faces and lives i love so much speaking the hall of faith from the Living Word of God? it is my joy to share with with you!

 

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In kidmin

off-center

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*this is an entry i wrote for our church blog this week.  each staff member was to write about what God was teaching them during our special time of self-examination in preparation for our Solemn assembly. 

i was confronted with a cold, hard truth recently.  the Gospel is not the constant center of my life or my ministry.  while i get busy doing things “for” God or “about” God, i allow other things to take first place and the center of my life and the ministry He has entrusted to me.

this hit me squarely in the face when i was reading through a letter one of the children in ministry wrote to their prayer partner.  this child asked, “what must i do to get saved?”  while part of me was rejoicing over the fact that God was obviously drawing this child to Himself, the other part of me cringed as i thought “how does this child not know?”  is the Gospel not so prevalent in all conversations i/we have with children that the way to God through Jesus is not obvious? i was so convicted that even with all we “do” in children’s ministry, i can often be busy with the stuff and allow the life-changing Gospel to take a back seat.  shouldn’t the Gospel be the very source and goal of all i/we do?

then i glared at myself in the mirror of self-examination.  can i honestly say the Gospel is a constant center of my life? the truth is the center of my world gets so crowded with myself that the fuel of my faith, the Gospel, can get pushed to the side.  my “self” and my sin quench the Spirit and the power it provides, so that when i rub shoulders in everyday life with unbelievers they may not see the Gospel clearly lived out in me.

this time of self-examination hasn’t been “fun”, but has proven fruitful as it has brought me face to face with my defiant sin, to the foot of the cross for forgiveness, and a realignment in center of my heart and mind. (oh, what a day by day process.) i go back to a chapter i love, psalm 51, and think about how david said,

“12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and make me willing to obey you.
13 Then I will teach your ways to rebels,
and they will return to you.”

it was after his heart was broken and sorrowful for his sin that he experiences the sweet cleaning, restoration, and joy of his salvation.  then, he could be used powerfully to teach sinners the way so they, too would turn back to God.

most of us would say we want to be used by God, but are we really willing to take these hard looks at our sin and what is the center of our lives?  like i said, it hasn’t been fun and at times i have avoided it and grabbed tightly to the comfort of complacency.  i am tired of living that way!

as we seek Him in this special time and in each day and week to come may our prayer be the same as the one who was called, “the man after God’s own heart.”

Psalm 51
“1Have mercy on me, O God, 
 according to your unfailing love; 
according to your great compassion 
   blot out my transgressions. 
2 Wash away all my iniquity 
   and cleanse me from my sin.  3 For I know my transgressions, 
  and my sin is always before me. 
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned 
   and done what is evil in your sight, 
so that you are proved right when you speak 
  and justified when you judge. 
5 Surely I was sinful at birth, 
   sinful from the time my mother conceived me. 
6 Surely you desire truth in the inner parts[a]; 
   you teach[b] me wisdom in the inmost place. 7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; 
  wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. 
8 Let me hear joy and gladness; 
   let the bones you have crushed rejoice. 
9 Hide your face from my sins 
  and blot out all my iniquity.  10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, 
   and renew a steadfast spirit within me. 
11 Do not cast me from your presence 
  or take your Holy Spirit from me. 
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation 
   and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways, 
  and sinners will turn back to you. 
14 Save me from bloodguilt, O God, 
   the God who saves me, 
   and my tongue will sing of your righteousness. 
15 O Lord, open my lips, 
  and my mouth will declare your praise. 
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; 
   you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. 
17 The sacrifices of God are[c] a broken spirit; 
   a broken and contrite heart, 
 O God, you will not despise.  18 In your good pleasure make Zion prosper; 
   build up the walls of Jerusalem. 
19 Then there will be righteous sacrifices, 
   whole burnt offerings to delight you; 
 then bulls will be offered on your altar.”

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In my journey

laying down the fight

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recently i was hanging with a friend’s young boys and playing our traditional game of “monster.”  of course, they got to be the good guys and i was assigned the role of the enemy and “bad guy.”  their ultimate goal was to get this awful coon-skinned hat off my head, so i would lose my powers and die.  they also had an idea of an easier route – shooting me with a toy and immediately ending the battle.   when they voiced this idea,  i responded quickly with, “if you do that the game will be over and we can’t play anymore.  you will have won and the fight will be over.”  (i said it like that was a bad thing for them.)

no sooner did those words come out of my mouth that i saw that my very statement was such a reflection of how i often live my life in defeat.  there are some “fights” and battles in my life that could be over if i would just wholeheartedly lay them down at the feet of Jesus.  instead, i chose just to lay down enough when it gets too painful, but something in me still allows the fight to continue.
maybe it is:

  • fear of giving the fight all over to God’s control
  • pride and me thinking i know a better way
  • unbelief in that God can do what He says He can do
  • spiritual laziness in tackling the tough “stuff”
  • choosing not to bring each thought captive
  • an undisciplined walk
  • prayerlessness

whatever my excuse (sin), i choose to allow the fight to continue instead of dying to those things at the foot of the cross.

as i wrap up and begin a new year in a dedicated time of self-examination, confession, and repentance, i see so clearly how there are some “battles” in my life that need to be put to death through my willing obedience to give them completely over to Jesus.  what about you?  are you deliberately or even unconsciously holding on to some fights knowing that Jesus is holding out freedom to you?  let’s give Jesus the gift of total abandonment this Christmas and begin a new year totally surrendered to Him and soaring in the freedom only He can deliver.

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In faith

the miracle of adoption

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today i witnessed a miracle. this life-altering event has parallels to my own life, but seeing it with my own eyes today simply floored me. i was sitting in the courtroom anxiously waiting my friend’s, wayne and stephanie, turn to legally adopt two boys that they have had as foster children for over a year. the older of the two, jayden, sat by me in his new white shirt and tie. he was sitting as still as any young, energetic boy could. i was also having a tough time being as still and quiet as the courtroom demanded, but we were both pretty successful. after the official court proceedings began with another family, jayden’s eyes began to wander about the room. that is when he saw it.

jayden and xavier's case file

the lady beside him, a case worker, was holding in her lap a large stack of binders filled to the brim with papers. on the spine of one notebook it read jayden v. jayden kept turning his head and looking at it and then he said, in not so much a whisper, “that’s my name!” the case worker quietly whispered, “yes, this is your file.” then it hit me like a ton of bricks.

while this was a physical adoption, i couldn’t help but think of my spiritual one. as i looked at those thick notebooks, i could only think of my case file. oh how it must be filled and marked with good intentions, works, impure thoughts, darkness of the heart, shame, religion, guilt, and tons of sin. there is no way i could ever defend my record. i could not be “good enough”, go to church enough, or wish it away. my case file in the best condition equaled filthy rags. i would most assuredly be found guilty.

then my friends stood and went before the judge to officially say that they would assume all responsibility for these boys. the case file size didn’t seem to matter to them. they loved these boys as unconditionally as humanly possible. they would do what the boys couldn’t do for themselves and that was to welcome them into their family and clear the record of all that was listed in the case files.

oh what a picture! i, too, am a recipient of such grace. my sins are countless and i am in need of a Savior who will do for me what i cannot do for myself. and He did! Romans 5:8 says, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” i have been adopted into the family of the King of Kings. He also sweetly reminded me again this morning to “fear not” for He has redeemed me. He has also “called me by name” i am HIS! i don’t deserve such a gift, but His mercy is endless and His love is perfection.

this Christmas as i celebrate the birth of the Savior, Jesus Christ, i see Him with fresh eyes as my Father. my case file has been canceled by the sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the cross. my soul has found mercy and my heart wrapped in grace. i am indeed a part of His forever family. may i live out each day forever grateful for His glory. my life in Him is a miracle indeed.

the burns family of five with the judge

Ephesians 1:4-6 “For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love hepredestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. ”

thank you wayne and stephanie for your humble example of loving til it hurts, daily sacrifice, and the heart of the Father. you two were “Jesus with skin” to me today. a gift these weary eyes welcomed!

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In kidmin

the lesson was for me

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tonight i had the pleasure of teaching our 1st-5th grade large group on trusting God’s timing.  it was the story of david playing his harp for saul and waiting patiently for his turn to become king.  i mean God had already told him through samuel that he would be king, but he didn’t persist, pave his own way, or pout in the waiting.  he served.  he used his God-given gifts and made the most of the place God had put him in process to being king.

i talked with the children and reminded them that God is never late.  He sees the big picture.  He is always trustworthy and right on time.  we are to trust His timing.

there was a sea of precious faces in front of me, but as i spoke, i knew the lesson was for me.  yes see, i am the one that needs to know:

  • He who began a good work in me will carry it to completion… i am just to trust His timing and take the next step.
  •  He knows my desires better than me and i can be sure that if He has me waiting it is His best for me now.
  • this journey is not my own and His ways are not my ways.  the goal is Jesus – anything else is a distraction!
  • that gift of waiting may be wrapped in painful and for me repetitive lessons, but the Giver only gives what is good.
so tonight i celebrate the fact that He allows me the privilege of sharing His life-changing truths with children, because through serving them He speaks to me. when was the last time you taught a lesson that was really for you?
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