my life-long sport was soccer and my position was goalie.  i love the unique role of the keeper of the goal.  wearing a different color shirt, i was set apart.  my mission was simple really – protect the goal.

many see this position as easy.  (yes, i was thankful i didn’t have to do all that running.)  the fact is, i was always working.  no matter where the action was on the field i was constantly repositioning myself to be in the best spot to protect the goal.  then, when a shot was taken, i would literally throw my body in any direction or height to stop the opponent from scoring.  the goal was always my focus and it was when my attention was divided that the shots started to pass by me.

i have been pondering my goalie position quite a bit today, as i also think through my role as a believer and a minister to children.  my goal in life and ministry is really quite simple, too.  i have been set-apart, crucified with Christ, and my goal is Jesus.  He, alone, should have my focus and attention.  i wish i could say i was a great keeper of this goal.  i am afraid my focus has been blurred by programs, the praise of men, numbers, problems, serving half-halfheartedly, and more.    it is time to realign myself with the One and Only goal – Jesus.

the kids deserve my best goal keeping.  more importantly, my Savior deserves an undivided mind seeking Him with all my strength.

help me Lord, for i am prone to be distracted.   realign my focus on You!

“Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 3:12-14

in the last 15 years in ministry i have often felt like a square peg trying to cram into a round hole.  i just don’t fit.  in many situations i find myself being the object of the child’s song, “one of these things is not like the other.”  here are just a few:

– as someone that ministers to parents of children, i’m not a fit because i am not a parent.  i try my hardest and pray that God would grant me wisdom to think like a parent, but the fact
is i’m not.   so how can i really fit?
–  in my great, sweet circle of friends i stick out as the only unmarried one.  (always
completing the group as the 3rd, 5th, or 7th wheel.)
–  in the kidmin ministry world that is constantly changing, evolving, and providing much
conversation, i would rather discuss what God is doing personally in the lives of those involved and avoid “shop” talk.
–  the place i call home and lay my head just doesn’t fit as where my heart is.
–  on a staff and in a ministry world of the seminary trained, i’m uneducated and carry a degree in mass communications.  quite a far cry from theology.
– not to mention, i am surrounded by crimson wearing, tide cheering people, (oh and those orange fans of east tennessee) when my rally cry is “war eagle.” 🙂

today on a drive  home after a much needed roadtrip, i pondered the above list (not really the last point).  i even cried out to God for understanding and direction and He sweetly spoke to my heart.  while i often don’t “feel” like i fit in many groups or situations He places me in, He gently reminded me i fit perfectly in the palm of His hand.  that was enough for me.  that Truth doesn’t dismiss my feelings, but brings comfort that while i wait and press on He never lets go.

anyone else ever feel like they just don’t fit?

my mind has been captivated lately with chapter four of jonah.  maybe because it is the part of the story we often don’t hear, or maybe because it just hits too close to home.

as i was rereading it the other day i was struck again how jonah would rather die than witness God’s compassion on the people or suffer uncomfortable circumstances.  i actually almost said out loud, “drama queen.”  but as i quickly turned to judge this man of God that prayed such a beautiful prayer of repentance in chapter two, the conviction turned on me.  i thought, how could one who knew the character of the God he served be so quick to anger or  throw in the towel? the Spirit whispered, “you know me, too.  why do you get so upset and choose to give up so easily?”  as my mind questioned jonah’s lack of compassion, my heart was searching for some shred of  the mercy and love my Heavenly Father has for me.

after quite an adventure, jonah agreed to be obedient to God’s call on his life, but he still had some growing to do.  jonah may have been a prophet, but he wasn’t God.  God took me on quite a journey to plant me in children’s ministry, untrained and fearful.  see, i, too know His character yet still question Him and often throw my hands in the air.  how much more effective and obedient in ministry would i be if i would drop the drama, quiet the questioning, ax the anger, silence the threats to quit, and simply serve the One that called me?  after all, He is God and i am not!

my favorite movie ever is “steel magnolias.” one of my favorite lines and also my senior quote was when shelby (julia roberts) says to her mother malin (sally field), “i would rather have thirty seconds of wonderful, than a lifetime of nothing special.”
so after several days of movie line quoting and being awakened early with a  delightfully full heart, i began to ponder my list of  “rather haves.” have you ever thought about yours?  here is what i have so far:

i would rather…

• know people instead of places.
  
• savor transparent talks instead of worldly treasures.
  
• devote myself to a life of God- surprises instead of a comfortable routine.
• collect treasured relationships instead of trivial fame.
  
• seek to know a little about my big God instead of much about the trappings of this temporary home.
  
• wait on God’s greater yes instead of settle for my finite solutions.
  
• be Divinely corrected instead of self-righteously right.
  
• finish strong with a semblance of integrity instead of start passionately filled with pride.
  
• learn to listen more intently instead of hollowly ramble to fill the silence.
  
• err on giving away too much time instead of guarding it selfishly.
  
• see myself as my Savior sees me instead of how the enemy tries to define me.
  
• rarely laugh hard at something pure, instead of laugh often at cheap humor.
  
• dare outwardly trying instead of dying inwardly with regret.
  
• be content in being still instead of discouraged in an abundance of activity.
  
• focus more on inner beauty instead of outer appeal.
  
• constantly celebrate the little things instead of rarely enjoying the big ones.
  
• fill my mind with the Truth of scripture instead of my head with the empty promises of man.
  
• know few people’s hearts intimately instead of many people casually.
  
• be Sovereignly challenged instead of personally protected.
  
• fail in the hands of grace instead of succeed in the eyes of man.
  
• completely succeed in a couple of things on this list instead of barely scratching the surface on them all.